Nightmares by Zodiac Sign

You don't want to go there

by Sally Philips

It’s that time of year again when Americans like to scare themselves with ghosts, goblins and the rest of Halloween’s spooky tomfoolery. You might call it our annual fear fest, but are these truly our worst fears? Of course not. To find qualms that really make our skin crawl, we need to dig a little deeper. Take a look at these Sun sign nightmares and see if they don’t send a shiver up your spine.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You are at the end of a long line hiking up a tall mountain. The group’s leaders are Virgos, arguing about which way to go, while everyone else plods along at a snail’s pace. You’re going to have to push your way to the head of the line and stage a coup … or tear your hair out. Which will it be?

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Wait a minute … whose car is that in your garage? Okay, the one you had was breaking down every other day and you were thinking about replacing it … but it was a comfy jalopy and, besides, you hadn’t finished your research. Now someone has gone and made up your mind for you. That’s not fair!

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Can’t someone change that muzak? If orchestral string covers weren’t bad enough, you work in a room all alone, your iPhone is dead and you can’t get your browser to load. Communication breakdown … your private version of hell … has finally come true.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
As you open your door, your friends shout “Surprise!” It’s your birthday and they’ve got an all-you night planned. As you squeeze between co-workers you barely know, they start projecting a PowerPoint featuring your naked baby pictures, every bad hairdo and ugly date you’ve ever had, plus your fat phase.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Amidst booing and hissing, olives and cocktail umbrellas flying through the air … you’re cowering on a karaoke stage after what you thought was a knockout rendition of Wild Thing. Returning to your table, you find your date has bailed and left a napkin note telling you what a complete loser you are.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You’re behind a counter, facing a long line of angry customers waiting to tell you in detail about everything that’s wrong with the product you designed. That’s right, the one you slaved over for years and were sure would be a best seller. They don’t want exchanges or refunds … they want your head!

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