Paulo's Perspective
Advice From the Tarot.com Founder: Sept. 27, 2010
by Paul O'Brien
Why can't I just fly away?
Dear Paulo, I’ve been thinking about quitting my job, leaving my boyfriend, and running off to France or elsewhere. My French isn’t fluent, so I don’t know if I can get a job. I was thinking of maybe going to Fiji and studying French there. But I’m also signed up for a class in the fall I want to take, and our lease is up in a couple months, but we could go month-to-month then. Or my friend’s goddaughter might be interested in sharing an apartment, but if I’m leaving the country or even this city, should I really do that? And should I give up a secure job to go off without a plan?
- Suzanne, NYC
So many things you are willing to leave, my goodness! I wonder what’s troubling you? I mean, life can be hard, but you have a job, a primary relationship, evidently a decent place to live, some sense of community -- and you want to chuck it all to move to a country where you don’t know anyone, do not speak the language, have no prospects??? It’s a romantic notion, but what’s going on here?
Of course, your dream could be a wonderful adventure -- for a French major in her 20s who wants to bum around France for a while (and until her folks send her enough money to come back home). But that’s not you … you are in your 40s, evidently need to work, and you don’t know the language in a country with high unemployment and a finicky attitude about the pronunciation of its language. (BTW, they don’t speak french in Fiji … that’s Tahiti)
The adventure of leaping into the unknown can be wonderful, but I sense that something more is going on here. Whatever it is inside you that is making you want to split, it’s better to bring it into the light and deal with it rather than flee in any direction its shadow may be pointing. You can do it … and it’s a worthwhile adventure of another sort!
Running away from problems -- like taking a drug for temporary pain relief -- only burdens you with greater pains to deal with in the not-so-long run (aka the “hang-over effect.”) Suzanne, you are vulnerable to digging a serious hole for yourself here, if you are not careful. Consult the I Ching … also, talk with someone wise whom you feel you can trust, and tell her everything before you make any huge leaps, OK?
My friend is making a big mistake
Dear Paulo, I have a good friend who just inherited a chunk of money when her mother passed away. She is about to invest much of it in a business venture that I think is bound to fail (and might even be a scam). The problem is, she just doesn’t want to hear what I think. How do I tell her it’s a bad idea without ruining the friendship? — Jasmine
Yes, indeed — it’s all too easy to lose friendship points over something like this. How do we maintain compassion when folks are overtaken with wishful thinking and deaf to our good advice? If only they would just do what we think is prudent, right?
Often it happens that a person comes into an inheritance or something, and in their anxiety as an new and inexperienced investor, put it into some too-good-to-be-true venture. Once they are in (and can’t get out), they can feel betrayed if they perceive that a friend would rather be right (about them being wrong) than supportive of their hopes.
Your instincts may be correct, but before you get too carried away, remember that sometimes well-considered plans meet with stern warnings by well-intentioned friends and family, discouraging us from taking some risk for some reason we need to take. In such a case, such a concerned friend only appears to be one more (disgruntling) challenge to our courage.
If you actually have some 3rd party information about the supposed ‘scam,’ do email that to her, without adding any opinions or feelings of your own. And then leave it at that, continue to wish her well. Ultimately, it’s not your job to protect people, even your friends, from their own decisions (especially if they only ask for support, not advice). And, for the sake of the ongoing friendship, any tendencies you might have toward “schadenfraude” (pleasure derived from the misguided misfortunes of others) must be avoided at all costs. Just hope they get lucky!
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