Overcoming My Saturn in Cancer

My Nurturing Phobia ... and a Miniature Poodle

saturn and cancer astrology symbols and puppies

I've never considered myself an animal person. It's not that I don't appreciate the adorable cuddliness of a pet -- I do. My feelings around animals (and babies) are ... complicated. Perhaps you'll better understand my lukewarm demeanor when I explain a few short circuits in my personal Astrology. You see, I was born with Saturn, the planet of karmic lessons, restriction and limitation, in the sign of Cancer. Venus in my 12th house karmic closet squares Saturn. Saturn is conjunct Mars and these two planets square Pluto, which is placed in my 6th house. The 6th house, by the way, rules small animals.

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My roadblocks

That isn't exactly an easy breezy cosmic connection. In fact, it's downright harsh! I've got serious karmic "issues" connected to nurturing anything. Venus in Aries square Saturn in Cancer has the shadow expression where every time I love and take care of someone else it is at the expense of my own identity. I disappear. I have said for years that I am looking forward to the empty nest phase of my life for this very reason. I love my kids more than anything else in the world but I look forward to a time in my life when I don't have to take care of anyone. Don't get me wrong, I am a fierce nurturer who will protect anyone in my circle in major Mamma Bear fashion (Mars in Cancer). The problem is, I become very angry and resentful when I have to (Mars-Saturn square Pluto).

Why?

Because Saturn in Cancer is all about learning to overcome fears connected to emotional malnourishment. I don't want to take care of others .. I want to feel taken care of.  My greatest desire is to have a secure family environment, but with Saturn in Cancer home, family and nurturing have always connected to significant tests and loss. My natural instinct is to avoid nurturing anything else because I am, on some level, afraid that just when I feel safe I will lose what I cherish. Saturn in Cancer has emotional walls built higher than anyone else. 

*Sigh* ... let's get back to pets.

Our new puppy

Both of my children are MAJOR animal lovers. In fact, my daughter is considering a career path that involves animals. She has begged me for a dog ever since she learned to talk. You can imagine how disappointed she has been over the years to hear me flat out refuse to even entertain the thought of a pet in our house. I would get annoyed and quickly remind her that I run a business from home so I can't be bothered with a yappy dog barking. How would I film my videos? How could I focus on client calls or in person sessions? Oh and what about my freedom? How would I go out and have a life? The 6th house also rules work and daily activities. See that natal Astrology working its shadow energy in my reality? Yeah -- amazing stuff. 

Well, much to my surprise, over the last month something dramatically shifted inside of me. I saw how much this really meant to my daughter and I decided that it was time to put my issues aside and do what I needed to do to nurture my child in the one way she had been pleading for me to for so long.

Guess what? We got a dog.

The Lunar Eclipse

I was prepared to take an apricot miniature poodle home this June but the universe laughed at my plan. The recent Lunar Eclipse on April 4 occurred in my 6th house (of health and small animals). On April 8 I had a surgery I had been waiting nearly two years to have (all is well).  One consequence of this surgery is that my child bearing days are officially over. On the very same day I received a phone call that our puppy arrived early! How is that for an eclipse message! Lunar Eclipses can bring endings but they can also bring things to fulfillment and culmination. In my case it was an ending to a long term health issue and my ability to carry a child. It was also the simultaneous fulfillment of a puppy coming into my home demanding that I address my karmic nurturing issues once more. It's so fascinating that this eclipse was precisely conjunct my Vertex (a fated point in Astrology) and square my Mars in Cancer. Clearly, I am fated to have this dog. To confront my fears connected to caring for dependents.

Wish me luck everyone. A sweet little mini poodle named Maple just might have the power to teach me one of my greatest life lessons. The moment we met I felt all those Saturn in Cancer walls crash down just like I did when I gave birth to my children. I had no control over this deep protective instinct that surfaced. It overwhelmed me. And then there was this feeling I never felt before in my entire life. It's called puppy love.

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