Like so many of you out there, I wake up gasping for air these days. Some days I honestly wish I didn't have such a fighting spirit inside of me, but I do. It forces me to wake up, get out of bed, and push through all of this brutal pain.
If you have any personal planets or angles in your chart near the middle degrees of any Cardinal sign (Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn), then I KNOW you know what I'm talking about. You're living it, too. Living through the hell of Uranus square Pluto as it annihilates your world.
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I had one of my crying/screaming at God fits about it last night. I wonder sometimes why my soul chose such a hard road this time around. What the hell was I thinking? Do I really need THIS much soul advancement?
I'm sure you've asked these questions about your own life. Sometimes I dream about running away from my current circumstances -- just disappearing from it all and starting over. I know I can't. I know I won't. But that temporary dream feels so good when I allow myself to sink into it. You know -- before I wake up gasping for air.
The final exact Uranus-Pluto square
Collectively, Uranus has been square Pluto on and off since 2012. We'll receive the final hit of these two clashing titans on March 16, 2015. A not-so-happy Lunar Eclipse on April 4 will wake up the Uranus-Pluto beast. You can take that to the bank. Then, SLOWLY, we might begin to find pockets of relief in our lives as it relates to the major, sudden shifts in our personal lives and the world we live in.
It's not a simple formula with these transits -- especially the slow-moving ones. You can't say that after March 16 everything will be peachy again. It doesn't work that way. Planets are powerful energy conductors, and when they are triggered by something else in the sky their "muscle memory" wakes up, reminding us of the power behind their particular astrological story. Expect that on April 4 with the eclipse.
I need to remind myself of this fact very carefully right now. Technically speaking, my Uranus-Pluto hell has just passed. In 2013 to March of 2014, the Uranus-Pluto square was ripping my natal Mars in Cancer to shreds. Mars is only a couple degrees away from my 4th house cusp (home and family). I survived. Barely.
Chaos and crisis strike
But there was no time to see that victory because in April of 2014, Uranus-Pluto began attacking my Midheaven (career, status, reputation), which also means it was attacking the degree of my 4th house cusp (home, family, roots). The final simultaneous connection of Uranus and Pluto to these angles just passed. I'll have Pluto conjunct my Midheaven twice more in 2015, but without the chaos of Uranus. Gosh, that has to be better, right?
So far, each of these horrific transits has brought me to my knees in terms of life and death family matters. I'm not exaggerating. With every passing hit I've been dealt a crisis that rattles me to my core and takes away any sense of security and peace I ever thought I had.
The final pass of these planets to my chart in January and February PARALYZED me. For the first time in my life I was unable to continue living my outside (Midheaven) life normally while my internal world (4th house) burned to the ground. I made a public announcement that, until further notice, I am no longer seeing clients. I have never done anything like this before! Uranus-Pluto has made it clear that nothing else matters right now except me rebuilding everything at home.
Walking through the fire
I have my work cut out for me, and it hurts. I am still gasping for air. Wishing I could run away. But a small part of me (that damned higher self, I suppose) insists on showing up every day. I am a warrior, after all.
These days I am also a firewalker. This ancient practice is the act of walking barefoot over a bed of hot embers or stones. The point is to test one's individual strength, courage and faith. Walking over my bed of fire every day is teaching me something. It hurts like hell. Despite the pain, however, I am determined to walk. And sometimes that's all you can do. Keep walking. Even if you aren't exactly sure yet where you're going.
How are you doing out there?
Can you feel the burn?
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