Pain is Inevitable, Suffering is Optional

Pain Is Inevitable, Suffering Is Optional

Accept and experience your pain, but don't dwell on it

By Maria DeSimone

She sat across from me at my kitchen table with remarkable posture and presence. A young woman with Virgo Rising always appears put-together, cool as a cucumber. But I knew better. Behind that stable appearance was a dynamic Aries Sun, an intense Scorpio Moon, and an irate, mathematically precise opposition from her 8th house Mars in Aries to Pluto.

There was undeniable pain in her horoscope. I felt it pulse through my veins before we even met in person. When I prepare for a consultation I print out the birth chart and take the time to draw the person's aspects by hand. This process is how I connect with the soul who owns it.

It's not a matter of if but when we will all experience pain. It's how we deal with it that matters.

Pain is inevitable

And so earlier that morning, while I was in the waiting room at my car's service station waiting for an oil change and tire rotation I prepared for her session. I knew it would be a good one -- the kind of consultation that truly affects -- because I felt her pain so deeply. How did she handle this pain? I wondered. That was not a question I could answer without asking. The thing about Astrology is, we see potential, but it takes the person behind the chart to determine how the Astrology is actualized.

She arrived at my house and I greeted her with a warm hug. After a few minutes of talking to her about what Astrology is, what it can and can't do for us, and the general structure of what she could expect from our time together, I got right into it. We spoke about her cosmic trinity first; my term for the unique blend of your Sun, Moon, and Rising sign. Then, I went for the jugular. I usually do.

"Although you don't come across this way at all, your horoscope suggests patterns that reflect anger. You are angry. Let's talk about it. Was there an experience in your past with a male, most likely father figure, who hurt you?"

Her eyes took a split second to register what I said and then they immediately filled with tears. I handed her a tissue and smiled gently.

"It's hard, I know. I just want you to know that whatever happened, you are clearly a warrior. I admire you for fighting this pain. You will not be a victim. You will not suffer."

She smiled past her tears and nodded her head. Then, she proceeded to tell me about her childhood and the physical abuse she endured from her father. No one else in her family got it but her, which made her feel even more unwanted (Moon and Saturn in Scorpio). The anger was related to being defenseless, and also unprotected by her mother who just stood by and watched.

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Suffering is optional

We talked about this for a while. How she struggled for a long time to heal from this but was determined to do so. I mentioned her upcoming cycles for the year. The theme pointed to a dramatic career change that would allow her to heal others who suffered from significant grief and trauma. Sure enough, she is at a crossroads in her career and has brilliant psychic and healing abilities (which her family never approved of, leading to a fear of pursuing them for years). She was courageous enough to address the anxiety and insecurity this instilled in her. Ms. Aries Sun, Scorpio Moon refused to get sucked into the abyss of her pain! She knew that pain was inevitable -- it is for all of us -- but that suffering from it, allowing yourself to be a slave to it, well, that's a choice. That is optional.

At some point, if we ever want to heal from our personal pain, we need to take control of it. This woman had a horoscope that supported the ability to do so, but I recognize that for some of you, it's not that easy. Some of you don't know how to move past your agony. When it's a situation like a chronic, debilitating health issue rather than emotional pain, I understand that this can be even more of a challenge.

I encourage those of you who are experiencing pain right now to sit with it, recognize it, and get angry about it. But don't DWELL on it. Allow yourself a few minutes (every day if necessary) to curse your pain and the source of it. And then, recognize that it's time to get on with your day. Do what you can to make it positive, to make it count.

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